Dramatic Chipmunk Headlines Presents; Unimportant but Dramatic Stories!

Gay Clergy in the U.K. marry and Elian Gonzalez becomes a COMMUNIST!

Two men who happen to be clergy marry in the U.K. So you know what that means...CIVIL WAR between the libbys and the conservatives of the Anglican Church of England. While the liberals believe that marriage between men is not such a big deal, the conservatives want a full-fledged investigation into the matter. Archbishop Orombi of Uganda has stated that the Church of England needs to take action or else see the church disintegrate. He concluded by stating;

"What really shocks me is that this is happening in the Church of England that first brought the Gospel to us."

Although civil unions are legal per se in the U.K., it is frown upon if members of the Church of England blesses the ceremony. There will be a investigation into this matter and the futures of the clergy now rest in God's hands...or people who claim to represent God's wishes...its hard to tell nowadays.

But even more shocking is that Elian Gonzalez, the little boy who took the minds and hearts of all Americans have become the most dreaded of America's enemies...A Card-Carrying Commie!! That's right people, he has become Cuba's Youth Communist (they should probably look at a name change in my opinion). Why Elian Why?? Were we not good to you? What made you turn on us? Was it the fact that after you and your family rowed 50 miles in a leaky boat only to live in Miami for like 2 minutes and find out that you are to be deported back to Cuba and trying to fight the deportation only for then Attorney General Janet Reno to tell you to "fuck off" and orders the immediate deportation and for you and your uncle (i think) to be caught hiding in the closet by a BORTAC agent pointing his MP5 Submachine gun directly at your eye??? Oh...so you joined the communist party because we treated you like shit and you live in a Communist country? Makes sense.

See you next time.